Mouse Love Rice

This is a very popular song in China. Mouse Love Rice. http://www.91flash.com/flash/8242.asp A bit poor gramma, but it represented what I want to say.
When that day I hear your voice
I have some special feeling
Let me always think I don't wanna forget you
I remember at the day
You are always on my mind
Eventhough I just can think about you
If the day in the future
This love will becoming true
I've never change my mind that I will love you forever
I don't care how fool it is
I will let my dream come true
I will tell you something I wanna let you know, I let you know
I love you, loving you, as the mouse love the rice
Even every day has storm, I will always by your side
I miss you, missing you
I don't care how hard it is
I just want you be happy
Everything, I do it for you

Occult

I had a nice chat with mum on Sat morning. Dad went for morning exercise and mum just back from grocery shopping. Everything is fine at home, even my Grandma. The reason I emphasize the health of my grandma is because, I had a dream about her. And she was with my grandpa, talking about the world up there. This scared me a lot. I am afraid she will go there soon. I don't want to loose her so soon. Make sure everyone is fine back home. I went out.

But I still can't sleep well at that night. Got some stranger feelings. Some wried dreams....I can feel that something happening there. I rang home again at Sunday evening. Mum answered phone, but sounds strange. She is sick. She pass the phone to my dad, and later I heared very ugly vomitting sound. It's terriable! She is very unconfortable, I can feel that. This is due to her neck pain. That stimulated her brain and make her wants to vomit. My poor mum, I can't do anything to help her, only can hear her moan from the other end of the telephone line, miles away.

I can't sleep that night either. Had nightmare as usual. Some horriable person/sprite was chasing me around.

Wish mum will feel better today. I pray for her. She and my dad are really good people. God, please let me suffer all this. Not them, please let them to enjoy their life, they had enough tough time already. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pa Pa

Thanks PaPa, I know you are there. Thanks for talking to me. I was so happy last night. I hate been waken up in the morning. Can you please company me? I miss you so much. Can you talk more? Love You!

Bank

Just get back from city. My boss is overseas attending the meeting. : ) It's the time to use working hour to do some personal stuff.

I went to banks. Australian banks are unbelievable. Charging you so many fees. I closed my accounts today. And ask the lady for my money, only a bit more than 5k! I want the cash. Guess what did the teller say?

Teller: Sorry, I have to check whether our branch have that much cash. It's friday!

What the....

It's a major bank of Australia and this is the city branch!!! Unbelievable

Grandpa

My Grandpa was with me last night again. He was with me about 6 month ago for about weeks when I was haveing the hardest time. He was there for me! Though he did not say anything, only by looking at me in my dream. I know he was there, he was encouraging me.

He was there for me again. I really wish he can talk to me not just by looking at me. Please tell me what you want to say. Tell me what you want me to do. You know that I love you and I will listen to you, to whatever you say.

Grandpa, I MISS YOU!

Thanks Pam Pam

Thanks for your comments Pam Pam. I know, I know all this. But just hard to do, to control myself. I tried a lots of crazy things after my break up. I went clubbing -- I even can't dance. I made myself drunk -- I never touch a drop of alcohol before and got very drunk. I spend all of my money on the things I don't need. I sit near the beach utill dark by myself. I even had a car accident, because of thinking. I tried to be with the man who chased me before. But all those did not work! I believed that I have to be royalty, we my have a chance to get back, because he use to like me sooo much.

I am scared

Scary, isn't it! We break up. And till now very nasty. It will be a very awkward situation if he backs to me. I don't know what I will do. I still do like him, but different. He is in my ex trash. Same as I still liked my first boy. But that man is rubbish to me. Both of us have to be very brave, to get things better. It's going to be a hard task! If I try my part, maybe will be fine, because I know myself, I always be possitive. But I don't think he is brave enough to deal this. It will be a very bad situation/position to him.

So I decided to kill this. I decided to make him hate me, hate me as much as he can. I want him to rule me out. I want to change what that teller told me. Sorry P. I know you really well, know what things I do or say can piss you off, can make you up set and angry. And I think I achieved this by now.

I am scared. I might choose to do the last thing--die.

Fortune Teller

I do believe there is a person who is up there. Maybe you called him God. He arranged every single person's life before that person born. He arranged this person's mother and dad, rich or poor, where he will born, where he will go. which country he will stay. Who this person will meet, his personality, his capability, his relationship, his marrage, his kids, his job, his sickness. In one word, God arranged your life before you born.

And this is a fair arrangement. You will not always being lucky or unlucky. You will have happy and sad time. He will balance it for you. It will be very fair.

I do truely believed this. And I really want to read my fate, I want to know how god arranged my life. I want to know my future.

Fortune Tellers are this special people who has some connection with God. They can know our future. But you are not allow to tell. If they tell, they will get punished.

Some can't keep secrets. When I was young, there was a Fortune teller came to our store. And said mum will had a son when she gets older and dad will fail his business if he doing it together with my uncle, mum will sick, I will go overseas/far from home... Years later, all this things happened in my family. Every single thing happened. We did not know this lady, she came to us by herself.

Month ago, things happened on my again. A teller came to me and said I will have a very nice future/career. Nice family. But I will have a very hard relationship right now. And when things going and time passing, everything will be fine. All Good! And that man will be my hubby! (my 3rd boyfriend) How freaky is that??????

I am scared!

Dream

I had more than 12 hrs sleep last night. And so many small fragment were in my dream. I dreamed about my family, I must miss them. But one weird thing is I had that man in my dream again. I never can see him, but only can feel that he is watching me. Just watching me! I feel that one man is watching me all the time! Not only in last night's dream. He was there for a very long period of time. Don't tell me I have been cursed!!! Do you believe this kind of stuff?! I do!!!

I think it's time to mention the things a fortune teller told me. I do believe faith and fate!

Eating disorder

I am hungry but I don't feel like eat anything today, even my favourite TIM TAM. Weather? Mood? or......... Don't know. I am already out of my darkest days. I am fine now. Maybe I am worried about my next test, that cancer stuff. God, please let me over this asap. I had enough. One year's bad luck should go away now.

Honeyed words or lie? --- Commitment?

Sweet hart, Dear, Darling, Honey.... You look pretty, sweet, attractive, hot..... I love you, like you, stay with me, don't go, don't leave me, I want to be with you forever, you are my soul.........

You must heard so many of this kind of words from your partner. But are they true? Truely from his or her heart?

I don't trust anyone! We shouldn't trust any of this! They are lies!!!

My boy use to tell me: I really really like you! You've got me! I want kiss you! Please don't leave me! I do really care about you, there is no doubt about that! I want know what things happened on you! Please don't go! .............

Now he said: I don't want see you anymore. Don't want to hear from you. I don't like you anymore. I don't care what happened on you. I don't care you die...........

So people, don't trust all this bullshit! These are only some sweet words and THEY ARE LIES!!!

Simple Plan -- Untitled

I love this song!
And also Akon 's LONELY!

Relationship --- TABOO

My sister invited some of her friends came over last night for evening tea. You know, girls together always do have gossips. From movie stars to our everyday friends.

One of our friend she is about 30 and desperatly wants a rich boyfriend and will marry that man. After doing a bit research and man hunting, she finnally found a Doctor!!! But maybe because she is too desperate, she has been dumped only two month later -- two month's relationship. Due to some of her silly things what she had done.

We call this RELATIONSHIP TABOO!!!

Never tell your boy you love him, don't say how much you like him either. Only let him feel by himself. Never show him how much you care about him. Don't make him feel very safe. But build the trust. Don't live together, keep a bit distance, don't see each other too often. Distance is love. Don't mix money. When you relationship have some crisis. Don't call or contact your boy even you really want to. Don't let him feel you can't live without him, even you really can't. Give him a bit space, and he will find you. Never be hysteria. Keep cool.....

Everyone should already know this, but just hard when you are the person in that situation. It's hard to be that cool and ..........

I made the same mistake. And finnally lost my boy completely! ; ((((

Moon Festival

It was Chinese Moon Festival and my grandma's birthday. Before I came to Australia, this is my second happiest time of the year, followed by Chinese New Year. I can meet all my relatives friends, have gifts and pocket money, attend big festival activities, have big dinner party, meet friends.... so many things can do. IT'S THE TIME FOR REUNION!!!

Reunion! Right, It's the reunion time! Who am I reunion to/with? Mum and Dad, Grandma are too far away from here. I lost my boyfriend. Who? Who am I going to reunion with? Sad, isn't it?!

In the early morning, I meet my friend in a Chinese Temple ( tradition ) at Springville. Once again, I prayed. Same time again. Wish the peace, the health for my family. And wished to be with my loved boy again. Secret: I had a draw/cast lots at new year's eve. It was a very good one. About me and my boy. But now more than half year past, nothing happened yet and things go worse and worse. I start to suspect that.

After that I went shopping with friends at Chasdon---very tired with high heels. I got some lantern for my niece and myself : )) Back to friends places and they cooked dinner. Wow, they are really good at cooking..... Unfortunately I can't stay long with them. I have rush to North part of Melbourne to attend my family dinner party. ( This is a really nice restuarant!!! Good environment. I like it! But expensive too...... ) : ((( .............

A busy day. Back home late and I still watched a bit LOST! ( Will tell you the whole story of LOST. Very good drama! )

Its time for Luck or Bad Luck?!

I have a very weird night yesterday. All of my best friends contacted me last night, I mean every single one of them!!! How strange is that? Best friend rang me up and want to have dinner with me, another friend showed up half way at restaurant. We had a very nice dinner till about 10pm. And my rest of best friends called my after 10pm and wanted to have a chat with me. We arranged a nice weekend. Since my relationship broken up, I locked myself up a lot. I don't feel like seeing friends and refuse to have long chat with them. I want them to leave me a lone.

For a sudden, about 8 friends contacted me on one single night! What the...

Small drama at restaurant. Two different tables' people want me number. ???!!! What the...

Is that my LUCK is coming soon? coming again?

Still enjoying my this LUCK day dream this morning, My Car broken down!!! The engine burned!!! : (((((((((((

Luck or Bad Luck??? Anyone can tell me? Or its just a balance?!

Life is short

I couldn't sleep last night. A lots of things pass towards my mind after watching inside 9.11 from Foxtel. 4 years ago, the only thing in my mind is US been attacked and the scene is better than any of Hollywood's movies. It is real and cool with different angle. ( I don't like America that much. The main reason why I did not go US to study. )

But last night I felt so sorry for what happened 4 years ago. Maybe I am more mature now. I can feel the hurt of losing lovers. God bless them! All the quintessence people worked at World Trade Centre. What a lose for the world.

Life is short. I totally understand that a dead body can course so many pain for its family and friends. Apart from that nature disaster and terror attack, some other reasons may make you want to terminate your life as well.

Such as Loose a Lover, I mean a real lover, the relationship lover. But think that way, once you dead who will care by that reason? Do you expecting he or she to remember you? Do you think he or she would care about it? I don't think so. I would only do this because I sick of being still alive in stead of wanting he or she feel sorry for me. If you want him or her back, you need to be alive at least. At least have a whole body which he or she can refer to or touch.

Life is short, really short. That's why I am trying to keep all what I already have or had. I really want him to give me that little chance. Life is short, I will not ruin him life by stuck on me. I said so many times, if we are not suitable for each other by trying for one more time, I will leave him for sure. Because I want him to be happy, I will let him free. But I want to try once more!

SAP

Back from my depress, I have to face my work. In reality, its monday now. So its SAP time.

You might heart of that SAP, but not really know what that means or what it is about. I have been using this software for nearly 10 month now, but still don't know what is short for. So I jump online and had a search. Unfortunately, I only got this " SAP Europe´s biggest software company from Walldorf/Germany; market leader in enterprise-software and important player in Internet applications. "

Do you understand it now? Perhaps still not, right? Don't worry, I don't either, even I know how to use it. Anyway who cares. Maybe tomorrow we changed it to ASSp.

Time can change anything. Like my ex-bf, he used to like me heaps, used to ask me not to leave him. But now, see what happened, I even not allowed to contact him. Because he hates me. I am the last person in this world he would like to talk to. (FYI, I did nothing wrong, he either, just a god made up real joke to us) . I have to accept this fact that I only can pray for him, all the best wishes, all the goodness to happen on him. (maybe its called secret love---very hard).

I don't know where he is now. Maybe at the corner of where I work or where I live. Maybe he is out of twon at where he comes from, or maybe he could be at overseas. He could be with other girls. I don't know. But one thing I know is I wish him happy. I wish him live his way. I love him.

Oh, tears nearly come. This is no good. But the good thing is " home time!" Monday is finished. 4days to go...............

Happy Birthday Huge

Happy Birthday Huge!!!

I know I can't say this in front of you, I am not allowed to call you, forbidden from sms and emails. May me say it here, say happy birthday from my heart. Last year this time, you said you had greatest time/ birthday ever in your life. Sorry, I can't or allow to give you this feeling again. I am sorry.

One year ago

For the last past 6 month I lived in a Hell! It was the darkest time of my whole entire life. But for the 11 month before that, I was living in a Heaven, that was my happyest time for more than 20 years.

You may already have some idea what it was about. For my age, and the time period I was talking about, it must involved with a man. Right, it is. It is all about him. The man I liked so much, and still like heaps till now, and will like forever, for my rest of my life.

I never write any diary or anything. Because I am not good at writing, I hate to write diaries when I was at school. But now I want to, I want to express something from my deep heart. I want to spit all of this suffering out of my stomach. I can't handle this anymore. I don't want to live in the hell by myself. It's too hard and too lonely.