Grumpy

Just not a good day. Grumpy, grumpy and grumpy. Each get upset with my dad. Things never be perfect no matter how hard you try.
My dream will never come to be true. Can somebody just love me? Or maybe just care! Just need a liitle careness to me...

Grumpy!

倾诉

我好想找个人说话.好想找个人说我很想P.说我一直在等他,等他回来.
但我不知道我可以对谁说,怎么的说.因为我知道人人都会骂我傻,骂我疯.但我真的很想他,就和在恋爱是的感觉一样,没有任何的减弱,到是越来越那么的强烈.但这只是单方....
我该怎么办?
很想倾诉.......

为什么

我老是问自己,我为什么还那么的爱他,那么的想他. 是因为周边没有人吗?是因为寂寞吗?还是真的是很爱他? 为什么我就放不下呢???
这星期来,我特别想他.其实自从分手的第一天起,我无时不刻的想他,希望他能和我联系,哪怕只是个问候....他是我第一个爱的人,可能也是我最后一个爱的人. 我对别人没兴趣,没感觉.
可能是为了麻痹自己,才出去.但是,老是拿别人和P做比较,但比来比去,他们都比不上P. 他真很优秀,就对我胃口.
最近去做益工的目的就是为了赎罪,我觉得我犯了不可饶恕的罪名,至少是我自己无法饶恕自己的罪名.我让P就这么的毫不回头的离开了我.他真的很狠心,好狠心,太狠心了.扔下我一人.让我那么的痛苦.我无法饶恕自己,自己给自己埋下了恶果.就希望现在做点善事,很心理好过些.
今天电视上说的挺有道理的.God is listen to you, he is watching everybody. But sometimes he just have to say NO!我想不管上帝也好我所信的佛也好(我认为他们是同一种,只是信仰不同,称呼不同,但他们都指导/督促人们做好事)都看着我们,但是他可能就希望我痛,他不喜欢我.
有时候我问自己,到底要我做什么才可以挽回这一切? 无论付出什么样的代价,我都愿意.只要能让我们和好如初.我真的愿意.我一直在等待,等待奇迹的发生,等待他回来.因为我爱他.上帝,佛主,你们能听到吗?能帮住我吗?为什么你们就不希望我幸福呢?没有了他,幸福就不存在.能恩赐我吗?到底要我怎么做才可以呢?????????能给我暗示吗????

Shall I?

I met a guy. He makes me think all the things about P again. They are so similar. I had another big cry last night. I miss him so much. They are the same age, same background, same... just so many similar things. But P is much more handsome than him.
I don't think I should go out with him only if he is similar to P. Not fair.

100

This is my 100th blog. Still can't get away with P... still in my deep heart. I know I do love him a lot.
C is preparing leave AUS, we just sold her car and next will need to help move. Just like what dad said b4, i will have not much good friends left here, he worried i might be much more lonely now. He knew that how much the broken up hurts me even he never asked me about it, but I know he knows and that hurts him and mum as well.
It's true, after E, K, S, M, W now C ( they are all my best friends in AUS) went back home, I will be very lonely. I lost P ( the most important part of my life) now my best friends. Life will be very hard for me. I can't live without friends.
Still a sad complain about my life after 100 blogs, wish I will telling all the good stuff for the next 100.
P.S no one knows my pain, I still smile to everybody and even I support C after she made up her mind, though I think she made a wrong choice as working experience in mel is much more useful than home.
Wish tomorrow is a sunny day!!!