想家

有点想家了,爸爸妈妈晚上有聚餐,我也很想去.哪怕就是我们3个一起吃个饭,聊个天,我都很心满意足了.真是人在江湖身不由己.我的未来是什么?我也不知道.和有些人比,我算比较幸运的,但还比很多人差很远.至少我没有人间的爱.被人掇走了,再也找不回来了.
我想家,想家的温暖....

Friday again

It's friday again. The same question came to my head once more, what shall I do???
I don't want to bother my friends, they all have their life.
Had a shit day at work, so tired now. Maybe a long sleep is a good reward.
Did another interview later afternoon. You will have no idea how hard to get into a volunteer progame, so many interviews.

Amazing Race

It's Thur today again. Amazing race is on. Don't know why I enjoy it so much. Remembered last year or year before, P ask me watch it and saying if we two get on show. I was not interested at all, even don't know what he was talking about. Now I know why he suggested. Same feeling as what I feel now, he was thinking about me that time, Like I am thinking about him, wish to do something together.
I think I am very silly, I missed so many chances and made so many mistakes....

xoxoxo

Don't know what to write today. Nothing changed, I still miss P a lot, not even a little changed. Where are all these Xoxo goes now? No more emails, sms for a long time. I miss all these xoxo. Even miss more his real kisses and hugs. Just miss him.

18th April

18/04, how can I forgot this date. I got that parking fine later around 5pm on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Was actually only 15mins over the one hour limite, and very unfortunately I got that $50 fine.
Not only because that $50 fine made me to remember this date, that's the date when I met P. We know each other that day on that time. It's a fuuny coincidence. We had so nice time after that day. He even told me he was very possitive about our future....
He kept that fine till.... I don't know, till we broke up, I guess. He did kept that cause he think that might be a good memery about how and when we met each other.
Now, it's this date again. Everything is gone, gone with the wind. I don't know where he is and haven't heard from him for ages, and maybe will never heard anymore.
Though he is gone, I still remember this date. I will enjoy it myself. I said I have my royalty rule. I will not change it. I will like him forever no matter what happens.
P.S... Last year's today, he said he will take a raincheck on this day's dinner. But he never used this raincheck ever since.......

200

Earned 200 during this short holiday. Not for the money, but for the time I can spend. I am very happy with that. I can buy a nice pair of shoe or a jacket.

Yang

Just catch up with Yang, he is in German now. The catch up here means had a bit chat. Finally he is at oversea as well. He sounds stressed as well. " I love you forever" shocked me. I take that as a joke. Maybe I am very senstive thesedays. Maybe that mean a joke to him as well. He was my best friend's sort of ex. Not sure what happening there. Anyway, all the best. If we all not find our partner at 30, we can do what we promised ( a joke as well). We two can get married.

Just a guy

Met a guy last night at pub on chaple st. Three of us were doing window shopping at the middle of night on chaple. I saw three other guys walking towards us, and one of them just looking at each one of our three and try to talk. I hate these guys who wants to pick up girls on the street. He came to us and using perfect chinese saying "beautiful shoes and beautiful ladies." That made me offend more, in my mind white people learn how to speak chinese is because they want to attract chinese girls attention. I just think he is an dirty guy. We just keep our window shopping.
About half hour later, we went into a pub to have some drink. At the bar, surprisely that guy came to us again, don't know where he's from. He just not stop talking. Fine. We got our drink and back to our seat. 10 mins later that one came to us again. I have to say he's chinese is perfect!!! But just show off too much. He even sit with us and start to chat again. OMG, leave us alone.
Before I might be very interest in the man like him, but now I just feel sick. Maybe P used to speak chinese as well. Nothing too special. Or I still think about P all the time or just inside of me. I reserved his position......

Holiday?

What shall i do for this easter holiday? Can't think of any. Went to help friend's fish & chip shop on friday. Did a bit accounting work for a Dr. on Sat. (He is a very cool Dr.) How about today? I haven't received the email to continue my work so far. That means I have nothing to do now. The weather is no good, shower, windy, cold... If P still here, I would be satisfied by just looking at him and doing nothing for a whole day without getting bored at all. Things changed, I get bored easily. I might need to see this Dr. who i just met. Well, i better get my lazy ass moving, go for shower now.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter P! Really wish one day this would happen.

Interviews

That interview was about a volunteer work. The organisation want to see me and know more about me and why I want to be a volunteer to help mental illness people. A mate from work says, too dangerous to work with mental illness people. But I think should be fine they are only these stressed and depressed people. Sometimes, I feel the same.
And an unpleasant conversation with my boss, no pay rise. Why every single bosses are stingy. I am far more than underrated!!!!
Looks like I need a real interview later on. I need to change a fansy working place.
P.S I don't think I can forget P that easily. I do like him a lot, and still think he is a nice man. And God did not help me. Well, maybe that volunteer work will help me to move on.

Today

Had an interview, everything is cool, but will have another training section next month, sounds interesting. I can't wait to go out.
Got a very strange email from my ex-ex-ex. He is join the war now, at the other side of the world. But everything sounds cool there. ( top secret, he can't tell, and I don't want to know. Not interested at all.)
I treat him like my good friend, not sure what he is thinking. Maybe he is too lonely over there. But he wants some pineapple. What the.... Well, I will sent him some as he requested. But why pineapple???

Everyday the same?

Nothing changed on my life, everyday the same, repeating again and again.
Sleep-in in the morning, late for work, switch on my pc, login msn, put music on, make a cup of tea, start to work. Surfe the internet, chat with friends, deal with SAP, wait for lunch, back into office, surfe internet again, wait for his reply, feel hurt once more, wait for end of work, drive home, have dinner, watch news, get online, a little chat with mum and dad, with friends, watch tv or dvd, thinking about him, tears, go to sleep. Then the cycle starts again. Day after day, I feel so bored. What's not me!!! I use to have so many activties. I don't like stay at home all day.
He not only borken my heart, but also took my life away.

AFL

Went to footy yesterday. Doggey won. Uncontrolablly, I remembered the scene when he took me to footy that day.球场没有封闭,大风呼呼的吹,他抓着我的手,抱着我,搂着,不停的换姿势,让我暖和. 他放弃了球赛,陪我去车里拿衣服....... 还有很多很多. 虽然我看不懂球,虽然很冷,但我很开心.有他在身边.
为什么又想起了这一切.为什么他选择了离我而去,为什么他让我这样的痛不遇生.我想我这一辈子都会在痛苦中老死..... 没有人会理解我,同情我,可怜我.

Bridget Jones

"You think you've found the right man but there's so much wrong with him. And then he finds there's so much wrong with you. And then it all just falls apart.!

But finally she is happy, she had what she wanted. Not like me, had nothing. Nothing at all, even not an email.

Love foolish?

Shall I love the one I love? Or shall I should go for the one loves me?
If I already has someone in my heart, how can I go for the others??? What will be unfair for them. I will not allowed myself to do this. I prefer to be single forever.
Just wish all the lovers happy. Don't end like me.
I am a foolish lover.

Good

Nobody is reading all my crap blog, which is good. I can say whatever I want here.
Sent him an email after I back from my holidays, but as usual, no reply. That's good. I think I did what I want to do. I made sure that he does not like me any more, does not care me any more. I know his really well, so I did to annoy him, make him upset, make him dislike me more and more. I know that once he said to break up, he will not intend to back any more. But what I also know is he did really like me, he will upset himself and think some silly things and...
I do love him a lot, I don't want see him up set. I prefer to help him to forget me and hate me. This way, he can live much more happier. He will have a much more easy life. Till now, I think I did it. I did make him to dislike me and forget the existing of me.
Because of love, I hope he lives very well. True love.

Grand Prix

Went Grand Prix this weekend, it was cool but noisy. My face got very bad sun burn, red and hurts.