Wants to be friend?!

After a few day's cool down, my mate wants to be my best friend. Good to hear that! I don't really care wants to be friend or some other relationship, I am free. But I need to consider the people who might affect by this. It's a good choice!

My Birthday --- 7

At last, I did go out with my work mate to celebrate my birthday. MOVIE!!! It's really odd to watch move with a work mate and he has already married. Pop Corn with some touches, can't say really nothing happening there. God, I do not want anything happying b/w me and him. He is not my type and he is married. How can I refuse? I need to find my real man.

My Birthday --- 6

At work, today work mates will have a afternoon tea party for my birtyday, that's company's tridtional.
But I am facing one problem, don't know what I should do. I work mate wants me go out with him to celebrate my birtyday. He said nothing special, just dinner and movie after work. He so insists. Tried, but too hard to refuese. And I have to face him everyday, how can I say no. He wanted to go out with us last already.
The main point is HE IS MARRIED! How can I go out with a married man?! Even nothing between us, I feel guilty. How would his wife feel?! What should I do?

My Birthday --- 5

I got a lot messages and mails/emails from friends saying Happy Birthday. Sweet. But I am still a bit stupid. I know he will not care my birthday anymore. He will not remember, will not think about me, or even forgot about me already. He hates me! But I still haveing a little hope that he might give me a call. an email or a message to say hi. How silly is that?!
Now, as what I know from my clear mind, he did nothing. Nothing at all. Shouldn't say I am a bit dispointed, because I knew he will not. I knew I was just dreaming. Should say I am sad! Sad for myself.

My Birthday --- 4

Sunday, birthday time. How did I spend it? No flowers, no bf, no kisses and of course no sex. But I had a sleep in. Went out for lunch, shopping on Chaple with high heals (very tired). Dinner with friends, Gambling at crown, coffee cake on Chaple again. Good fun. With 5 hrs sleep and late for work, mmmm........ not that bad.

My Birthday --- 3

Sat was one of my nonrelated relative's birthday as well. A little problem during the marriage, but now they are having their 3rd child, so everything is fine. A surprise dinner party and gifts, so sweet! What did I have? A chance to drive their Benz.

My Birthday --- 2

Arrived at my office this morning, a big note on the outside of a box. No name on it, but I know who gave it to me. It's a happy birthday note with a whole box of chocolates. My favoret ones.
It's from a work mate. He is sweet! THANKS MATE!

My Birthday --- 1

Mum and dad sent me a whole box of stuff a month ago and now I just received it. This is the present from them. Really good things in it. Though some of the cloth and shoes I do not like that much, but I said I love them. So happy cares me so much.

My best friend --- mirror

I hate to grow up, you have to be strong, at least in front of people. But you know its fake! I love my mirror so much. She listens to me and companys me whenever I feel bad.
Now I have to be independent, have to support myself and look after myself. It's very hard! I can't look after myself here! I have no right at all. I can't go ahead to like someone or love the oen I want to. I am not allowed to contact him. No way for me to see him or even to ask "How are You.". I only can keep it inside. Can't let anyone knows what I really thinking. I have to pertent, I am fine and very happy. It's fake! My mirror knows that. She knows my secrets.
Please, who can give me some rights?

God is still playing with me!

It has been a long time. Normal people would have forgot what happened ages ago. But just not me!!!! I did my best try to avoid anything related to P. But so many things still there, still let me remember him. Or should say God did this in purpose!!!
I had an other big secret cry last night, had big puffy eyes now. I reckon I will never get over it. It will be the deepest cut of my heart ever, and never will get recovered. I have to carry this cut for rest of my life. I tried to accept another man. But to be very honest, I CANNOT DO IT. It's not fair for him. I will not hurt anyone just like P hurt me.

No improvement

My best friend's BF arrived last Sunday. They been together for 6 yrs since high school. Geographically apart for the last four years. Finally, they are together now.
I should be very happy for her. Meanwhile a bit sad for myself. One reason is she will spend most of her time with her bf which means not with me anymore. The other reason........ you know, I feel very sad. Where is my bf? (I reluctant to put EX in the front.) Why he can't be a little nice to me????????.............

xian mu / envy / jealous

Just done my second observation ultrasound test. Good news is I am fine now. A big relieve. But the doctors still want me to be careful.
Was sitting in waiting room, a lots of patients were there. But they all have companies. All the ladies, no matter old or young, with their relatives. Most of them have husband or bf beside them. Kisses and huggs, none stop. This made me really unconfortable. It was a very serious place, people there are with alife or death fate. You will really need great support to get through this. But me, was there by myself. No one at all. Under that environment, I feel really lonely and hurt. I wish P would be there with me, even just stand beside me will make me feel so good. But I think he is with some other ladies at somewhere. And forgot me ages ago.
xian mu / envy / jealous