不开心

刚躺下,眼累又开始不停的往外涌,无法控制了. 又一次的想到了那些以前开心的事,和那些伤心往事.心里像被刀扎一样的痛,很痛很痛.觉得自己的命好苦好苦.在这里我没有什么朋友,也不敢去麻烦他们,告诉他们我还在痛.我不可以告诉父母,我很伤心.我无处可诉我的痛,这痛一直憋在我心里,每当夜深人静的时候,他就开始在那里发作.让我痛的无法忍受.一年多了,没有什么药可以治好他.每当他发作的时候,我只能用哭,用眼泪来麻痹自己.我快崩溃了.
为什么,为什么他那么的狠心,那么的绝情.他为什么要伤害一个他喜欢过的人.天那,为什么.
记得曾经算命的说过我的感情很糟,看来真的被他说中了.我的主,糟就糟了,可别这样的折磨我,我真的受不了了.好痛好痛呀.
我变了很多,变的很孤独,不再爱笑了,不再爱和人聊天了,很久不用手机了.我变了,变了不相信任何人,不在那么的纯了.我变了,变了非常的冷酷.我变了,都是他让我变了.我应该恨他,但为什么就恨不起来,难道是我太爱他了?
我的主,你能听见我的哭声吗?你能感受到我的痛苦吗?我乞求你,乞求你帮助我.我到底做错了什么,你要这样的惩罚我,折磨我? 你能告诉我吗,我愿意做任何东西来减轻我的罪名.我不想再这么痛苦下去了,我快支持不住了.为什么我的愿望都不能实现.我该怎么办??? 拯救我吧.引导我吧.我很想死,但我知道我不能,我还有很多负担,我绝对不能让我父母伤心,难过.但我自己又实在承受不住,真的快到崩溃的地步了.
神仙,我梦到过你,每次在梦里乞求的都是同一个,希望他会回来.我其实觉得我很不孝,没有为父母乞求些什么,没有对外婆的过世而那么的难过,心里只有他, 神: 你救救我吧.我真的不想这样活下去.你能把他再赐给我一次吗?这么久了,这是唯一能救我的办法.
我应该怎么样才能让你听到我的这一切??? 给我个指引吧.
眼泪还是不停的往下流.心痛的要死.我一个人在这里,很孤独,快要变神经病了.或许我已经有了.我已经发疯了.
神,你到底在哪里???!!!你会帮我吗????我到底该怎么办?????我真的非常的不开心,除了他没什么可以让我值得开心的了.

selfish?

Why I live with selfish and show off people? I hate people always show off, no mater for what.
Or is that just because of me. Is that because something with me???

Resume

Opened an old file, try to find my resume. Looking for a change now.
why everything has a little relationship with him. That's the resume he modified for me, the file is under his name, the personal is him. Everything, made me think about him.
The funny thing is on my msn, my school mate uses his name as a name. He even never know P's existence and he is in china. My very good mate, we chat everyday. I really want to ask him to change his name on msn. But i tell myself, this might be a good challenge. I will not be bothered by just a name.
Or is that god want me to still remember him, and god want me suffer.
I am in a deep shit for this whole year. Tones of tears. And millions of sadness monments. But as long as he is happy out there. I am happy. I will not going to bother his life. He deserves a better girl.
One more thing i might never mentioned here. During this holiday time, my dad and mum all asked me about him. They can feel how much i have been hurt, but they still very nice to ask me to say hi if i am contact p. Mum and Dad, sorry, I don;t know where he is, and I don;t think i will have any chance to talk to him.
Sorry mum, sorry dad, that's all my fault. All my mistake. I can' change it. Sorry. Sorry I let your baby get hurt. Sorry, I did put too much into that relationship. I did trust him too much. I am an idiot and I am a loser. Sorry!

Aussie?

People say I am aussie now. At work, my mates say i eat food with tomato sauce, i am aussie now.
I went to the beach the other day, and got some tant. That's not my style! But i did it. And a lots of things i changed.
And i feel i understand a lot more. I understand a lot more what the things that P told me before. But its too late. He is not there any more. Too late for me to understand.

2006 commonwealth game

Grandma

My grandma passed away. I am crying now. I know one day, and this day will be very soon. Cause she was very sick, she was in hospital for monthes. And this is the main reason I took my holiday and visit home.
Though I knew this will happen, I still don't want this happen. She is my Grandma, she rasied me. I had so many good memories. I don' want let her go. I really feel bad. I am crying now. I never seen my grandparents from my father's side. Only have my mum's. That's maybe why we are very close. She loved me so much, and liked me the most. I rememebered the place which we used to live, the things we used to do.
I lost my grandpa, now my grandma. I have none left.
I don't feel good. I can't stop crying! Why bad things happened on me recently>?
Grandma, I miss you.

Respect

Respect is a simple word. But just very hard for some people to follow the common rule. All what I can blame is his or her parents did not teach them how to be a good person and let no people respect them as well. Very low class people. And no self-respect.
I am very up set right now. Even you are the higher position of me, you need to learn how to respect people. Otherwise no one will work for you. You will lose all your staffs and be lonely.
Remember! You have a lot to learn what RESPECT and Self-respect mean!

Pay back

Resently, not that happy at work. That new old ugly guy may want to show him off, sent some emails to my boss, manager and some other colleagues about some bad staff about me. About the work our department done. I hate people talking behind me, and mostly hate people play his game behind me.
Been back up by my boss, I sent a very formal email to every single people who got that guy's email and explained the issue and used some harsh words. He is smart enough to know what I am not happy and I have some people back up me. He is the loser. After senting the email, my general manager and my direct boss either rang me or sent an email to me say " Well Done!". I am happy with my performance, but I hate people used me as their tool to show them off. He sucks. And what make me even more happier is that I got other colleagues' feedback, that ugly guy is not that good, not much people like him.
This is the first time I pay back to a bad guy. I used to be very quiet, no matter what happened, I will be silent. I don't want trouble. Cause I in a country which does not belong to me, and I can't speak their language properly. Even in my world, I will be relitent to argue with people. But this time, I paid it back.
I need to be strong again!!!I lost a lot, I lost my love, But I still need to be strong, I need to protect myself.

失眠

周末,本该好好的睡它几个懒觉, 可不知怎么的,很早就醒了,睡不着了.对一个以爱睡为嗜好的人来说是很反常的.
昨天和朋友散了后,独自一人去逛了CITY,但无形中又出现了他的影子,又看到了那些熟悉的地方,想起了以前一起做过的开心傻事. 今天有36度,如何度过呢?睡觉?可是我失眠呀.
在网络世界里遨游了一番,原本对音乐一窍不通的我,开始搜索那些名人的歌,虽然没有什么特殊的感觉,但总觉得是名人的杰作,一定不错,水准一定高,肯定是有品味的. 一个人在自我赞美欣赏能力.哎,自欺欺人.
在搜索ALBUM的时候,突然想起了他借我听的CD,还是刚认识的那会儿...... 哎,还是不提的好.
他怎么就那么的阴魂不散???的在我心中,如何能摆脱呀.我的白马王子到底在哪里呢?你能快点出现吗?能快点来拯救我这个在黑暗里迷失的人吗?我请你快点.

Singapore

Singapore is so clean, and beautiful. I love that place, but just a bit too hot and humidy.

Wedding

My closed cousin will be married today. Its a shame i can't attend his wedding. The other thing made me piss off is I can't be his bridesmaid. Should be my turn!!! Cause I am far a way from him, my family, my younger cousin took my place.!!!
I never be any body's bridesmaid before, cause i was young and i have some other cousin who is older than me and not married at that time.
Now , Its my turn, but I can;t even attend his wedding!
ai, Why i am here, in this bloody boring place?
Wish you have a nice marriage.

back to work

Nearly two weeks now back from my holiday. Feel so different, I don't want to do any work. And suddently feel this place is so boring. My life is quite again. Need to think what to do everyday. On my holidays, I have no time to think what to do, scheudle is full, none stop, and still have a lots of thing lots of firend, lots of place i have seen, meet.
Back to here, i start to think about him again. How is he, where is he and what is he doing. When can i get out off this bloody world. I do want him again, but i know its impossible. So, can i just forget him, erase my memary? I can't handle any more.
I went to the famous temple when i had my holidays, actually, twice. I put my word down, but will my wish come to be true????!!!!
It's only 10am, what shall i do today? We have long weekend here, how shall i spend this three days?